Posted 2 days ago

The Science of Transgender

A Rolling Stone article: Understanding the causes of being transgender

Posted 2 days ago

It’s both tremendously awesome and intimidating when someone I respect greatly begins following me. Like Margaret Cho.

Posted 2 days ago

I’m not allowed to leave my apartment (or come home) until after the President’s speech is over. It’s a good thing I have nothing to do today.

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 3 days ago


I’ve got to admit, this is pretty funny. But, I don’t mind the admittedly unoriginal, uninspired costume that Wonder Woman was given. I’m just glad that she’s finally going to be in a movie. I just hope that this will be the first DC Comics movie post-Batman Begins that’s not fucking depressing.
Seriously, there’s a line between dark and just plain depressing. I understand why people love “the Dark Knight, ” The Dark Knight Rises” and “Man of Steel,” to a degree. But for me, they were just depressing and I really didn’t get any sense of satisfaction watching them. They’re just depressing and completely fantastical (in a bad way as they force you to suspend your disbelief way too far) in their über-realistic ways.
Dark movies can ask unresolved questions, play with your emotions and then of the characters and end in ambiguity and not be depressing and are still satisfying: LOTR: Two Towers (especially), The Empire Strikes Back, X-Men 2, Schindler’s List, The Color Purple (say what you will about Spielberg, but he has an understanding of balancing darkness with light)… I hope this new movie breaks the cycle of dark-for-the-sake-of-darkness tradition. I want to be able to enjoy it.

It sucks though, that Wonder Woman is being shoehorned in to a “Man of Steel” sequel that even Batman can’t stay away from, rather than getting her own movie.

Posted 4 days ago

I had my moment to shine

In light of President Obama’s scheduled speech to be held in my own neighborhood, there have been many discussions and debates about the man, his presidency, politics and, of all things, the poor and the needy. It’s no secret that the venue where he will be speaking, the Uptown Theater, is nestled amidst several low-income apartments (all of which are nice, clean, safe, have access to a grocery store and are on major bus lines), and my neighborhood is a sort of unofficial LGBT capitol of Kansas City.

While I was out running errands, there was a man who was really laying into poor people. Specifically, he was talking about how fat poor people are, how much they eat and how they seem to enjoy eating, and ending his diatribe with, “If they’re so poor, why are they so fat?”

I’m normally not one to butt in on discussions, debates or in this case, slandering the less fortunate, of which, I can count myself, but I couldn’t keep quiet on this one. It really pisses me off when people speak ill of the poor, needy, homeless and the disabled, especially when their views come from the standpoint of someone who has seldom seen true hardship a day in their life.

I turned to him and told him:

"The reason why so many poor people are ‘fat’ is because, of all the foods that we less fortunate people can afford to feed ourselves, the ones that are the most abundant are the foods high in fat, salt, sugar and calories. Most of us are receiving some sort of food assistance, which is so insignificant and has been cut back so much that the only way most of us can eat a full meal on a budget of less than $5 a week for a single person, to $20 dollars a week for a family of four or more is by buying Banquet TV dinners, which are frequently on sale for a dollar a piece. Such ‘meals’ are laden with fat, sugar, salt and calories to supplement the lack of content and actual food products, and they’ve been processed so heavily that, what little in the way of actual meats, fruits and vegetables they possess, have little to no resemblance to what could be found in nature.

"And, for what food stamps cannot buy, many welfare recipients turn to food pantries, whose resource pool isn’t much better. Most of what is given at such places has passed its sell-by date; some canned goods that, on their own, offer little to no nutritional value, let alone make a meal, and are again full of salt, fat and sugar; and loads of pasta, bread and other foods high in carbohydrates.

"Plus, a family where both parents work, or a single parent is forced to work multiple part-time or full-time jobs, is given very little time to thoroughly shop for healthy, nutritious foods, plan meals and prepare meals for their families, all the while ensuring that the children are taken care of, the bills are paid and that the house work is done. It’s easier, cheaper and more convenient for such families to spring for several extra value meals at McDonald’s or someplace several times a week than it is for them to buy fresh produce, meat, dairy and snack foods to keep from eating all the groceries too quickly because of undernourishment.

"Lastly, because we’re poor, we have very little to turn to that can make us happy. Many of us are shunned by friends and family and people like you for being poor. Many of us can’t afford to entertain ourselves; we can’t afford a $10 movie ticket, a DVD that’s not in the bargain bin, new music, a computer and internet access, smartphones, concert tickets, transportation to free events, etc. All of our money goes to necessities, and for many people who are unable to cope with such a sad reality, to drugs and alcohol. And, of the necessities that we sink perhaps the most money into is food. We all need to eat. It quite literally fills a void left behind by our struggles, pain, sorrow, self-loathing and stigma. For many of us, food is the only outlet that we have. And, being poor, doesn’t make us any less deserving of entertainment, joy and happiness.

"So, before you get off thinking that poor people are abusing the system to get fat and lazy, try putting yourself in our shoes for just one day and see just how hard life is for we ‘poor, fat gluttons’."

After that, the people around me began cheering, and the man who was only moments earlier, badmouthing welfare recipients ad nauseam, said nothing else for the next hour or so.

Posted 4 days ago

Most of the time, I feel like my reality is a burden or inconvenience on others. I really need someone to talk to.

Posted 5 days ago

Top 5 reasons to be my friend

5. My Laffy Taffy-caliber jokes are so bad, they’re sure to make you look like the freaking Rembrandt of comedy

4. I’m the perfect ugly friend to have with you when you’re on the prowl

3. I’m a good exercise/training buddy

2. You’ll eat like a fucking Queen/King

1. Unlimited cuddles

Posted 5 days ago

It really irks me when people say things to me like, “If you wanna be a chick, why do you work out so often?” I do it because I want to do it. I like doing it; it makes me feel better. Women can be and are powerful and strong, physically and otherwise. And, if I’m ever fortunate enough to begin HRT, I’ll need to be in pretty good physical shape, anticipating the effects that HRT will have on my body mass/strength.

Posted 5 days ago


Hundreds of LGBTQ people are using the Whisper app to share their coming out stories, and reminding us that not every coming out story has a happy ending. Here are the ten heartbreaking reminders that are going to bring you to loads of tears. (via The Gaily Grind)

Posted 6 days ago

I feel so clingy and codependent for longing for what used to pass for acceptable human interaction and affection

I’m a sensual person. I thrive on physical contact and affection. I always have. Being a multiple sexual assault victim has done little to alter my need to touch and to be touched. Yet, I realize that it’s something so many people frown upon; people who are who so sensual and in great need of physical affection are often/always seen as clingy or codependent, even weak. Especially in a world which has become increasingly small whilst paradoxically seeing its inhabitants growing farther and farther apart, viewing one another through their electronic devices.
I miss having people around me to talk with, to eat with, to hug or cuddle or kiss, not romantically to passionately per se, but just a peck on the cheek or forehead.
Even when I had that, I would always hold back a little, never letting be known the fact that I need someone’s touch. I never wanted for someone to feel as though I was leading them on, trying to steal them away from their significant other or else, making someone with whom I might have been in a relationship uncomfortable, jealous or feeling betrayed. It’s not that at all.
Corny as it sounds, I just love deeply. I love people. I love letting people know that.
Sometimes, my sensuality manifests itself in, sadly, involuntary ways. There are times when a warm embrace, giving or receiving a back rub, even eye contact with a person I’m fond of can lead to arousal. Again, it’s not sexual; I seldom feel as though I want to have sex with that person, nor do I imagine scenarios or engage in sexual fantasies. I just become aroused. Perhaps, the word should be “stimulated”. I feel stimulated, being engaged in such an intimate place with the person or persons I love.
Being a transwoman, that stimulation can be quite visible, detectable or obvious, sadly, which further causes me to suppress my natural inclination to express my affection. There’s few things more humiliating that spring to my mind than holding someone closely, only to have to awkwardly and abruptly end it, lest the other party notice a growing erection, especially when compounded by the added dysphoria that being transgender can bring. So, I’m left feeling somewhat unfulfilled and as a result guilty or shameful because I’m so clingy and sensual.
I don’t need people to really care about or understand what my experiences are. I just needed to let it go and get it out there. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been feeling so isolated, unlovable, lonely and depressed lately that I’ve tried to define a root cause or to make sense of my dilemma. I miss holding, being held, touching, being touched and sharing myself with others and having others share themselves with me.

Posted 6 days ago
Posted 6 days ago
Posted 1 week ago

Isn’t it funny when you come out transgender, the people in your life bombard you with questions about your past, the things you used to do together, the people you used to hang out with, etc., as if you don’t remember it. I was asked questions about my life and past by an old friend today as if I was a completely different person just because I identify female rather than male and then I’ve come out. I had to tell her, “I came out of the closet, not out of a coma.”

Posted 1 week ago