Posted 5 hours ago

I’m glad to be home! When I was out shopping earlier, my card wasn’t reading properly. This lady behind me kept going on and on about “deadbeat black people” and how we always write bad checks and have maxed out credit cards.

As it turned out, the machine was not working properly and we had to use another register. It was just so embarrassing, you know? I rarely have enough money to get what I need anyway and I take great pains to make sure that I’m not over the limit. So, when it wasn’t reading properly, I was totally humiliated. Her attitude didn’t help at all. I HATE going out.

Anyway, I’m home now and I’m going to bunker myself here for awhile. I’ve had enough of people for one week. My social phobia/anxiety spiked today and I doubt I’ll be able to face the world again. At least for a little while.

Posted 21 hours ago

The moon and Spica. You know, as a child, I always fantasized of standing in the face of the moon during a lunar eclipse. Just to look toward our home, some 250,000 miles away, and experience the moment when I’d slip into the penumbra, everything around me getting dark and cold as the earth’s shadow falls over me, before crossing that threshold from penumbra to umbra, when the sunlight reflects through the earth’s atmosphere, turning everything around me red. I’ve always been a geek. #lunareclipse #astronomy #penumbra #umbra

Posted 21 hours ago

#lunareclipse

Posted 21 hours ago

The lunar eclipse and Mars, as seen from my bedroom window. I freaking hate optical zoom! #eclipse #moon #mars

Posted 23 hours ago

zinge:

feministballerina:

malonetaylor:

Did you know? It’s your RIGHT to access reproductive healthcare without being intimidated or terrorized.

People need to see this. 

It is illegal to willingly harass and intimidate a person on purpose, even if you are doing it outside of an abortion clinic.  Remember this, pro-lifers.  You can and will be charged. <3

Posted 1 day ago

Selfies from last Saturday. Those Madge Sinclair cheekbones, though! (look her up, kids)

Posted 3 days ago
Top or bottom
Anonymous asked

I’ve never had a consensual experience with someone with a penis. I am a rape survivor. Frankly, the thought of being intimate with someone with a penis frightens me presently. Will things change? Possibly. But, I’m far more sensual than sexual. I’d much prefer to snuggle with someone, watching Netflix.

Posted 3 days ago
Can we see what you're working with fully naked?
Anonymous asked

I’m not in the habit of taking nude photos of myself to expose myself to the world. What goes on behind my clothing is reserved for myself and whomever I deem worthy of presenting myself to in a mutual, consensual context. I’ve taken some tastefully nude photos of myself, which can be seen on my Body+ blog, however.

Posted 3 days ago

Legs. Actually, my legs are looking fucking great lately!

Posted 3 days ago
Do you prefer men or women or a ftm?
Anonymous asked

I have no preference. I’m pansexual.

Posted 3 days ago
Posted 3 days ago
Posted 3 days ago

How I spent my Friday evening/night. Sure, I looked super-duper country, but hey! I’m a country girl, transplanted into the liberal, Artsy, urban core of Kansas City. I grilled pork steaks and vegetables, which turned out to be pretty darn good! And, with all the exercise I’ve been doing lately, I’ve been finally noticing some improvement! I’m leaner, my abs are looking more defined, and I’m sorta/kinda trying to develop a booty. Who knew?

Posted 4 days ago

Introversion

Is it normal for the introverted to self-stigmatize as much as I do? There are times when I feel utterly useless and dysfunctional because I’m so unable to present myself out in the world with a group of people in a social setting such as family gathering and reunions, staff retreats (when I was able to work) and friendly gatherings, to which I’m so seldom invited that I have no practice or experience in conversing with anyone on any subject at all, which only ensures that I’ll likely never have friends to invite me to anything at all.

I’m just terrible at conversation. I never like speaking with people. It’s a safe bet that I’m not good at it, that I do it wrong and that I inevitably embarrass myself and cause others to be embarrassed for me. I never know when I should speak. I always wait for someone to finish speaking their piece before attempting to chime in, only to have someone else take the opportunity before I can. Then, there are the times when I finally get to speak, which is intimidating as it is frightening. I hate my voice; it causes me such discomfort and anxiety that I scarcely say anything, even when the opportunity presents itself to me. Then, there’s the rare event that I actually do have something to say, which I find important or that I’m passionate about, in which case, I tend to get deeply involved, only to be shut up by those whom I’ve bored, shut down by those whose ideals, sensibilities or interests are contrary to my own, or I’m simply talked over as though no one hears or cares that I’m speaking. As a result, I usually sit silently.

I’ve yet to meet a person or a group of people who genuinely care to hear what I’ve got to say and who’d allow me to say anything at all, providing, of course, that I’m feeling impetuous or intrepid enough to speak.

In a social setting, whenever I’m present in some group, I sit silently, listening to each person speak. I listen intently, wanting very much to join in. When I sit there in silence, people are often led to believe that feel that I’m too good to converse with the likes of them. I’ve been called, stuck-up, snooty and even an asshole because I don’t talk to many people. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I’m just bad at it, I’m afraid to and that I’m more-or-less a loner. A loner, but so very lonely.

I quite literally have no friends, and by friends, I mean people whom I’ve personally met, who are willing or able to spend time with me in person. It’s my fault, mostly. I do keep myself guarded. So many people in my life have never wanted to have a thing to do with me unless there was something that I had that they desired, be it a car, that I could chauffeur them around; a place for them to crash, which I’ve not offered to anyone lately as I’ve been burned too many times before; or to be used as ones sex slave, which has really only happened once, but for a sustained period when I was down and out and only contented because they’d given me a place to stay.

True, I have my reasons for being so elusive, but it has become a double-edged sword. Because of that, I realize that I’m very resistant to people’s genuine good will, courtesy and friendship. I’m unable to allow people to treat me with kindness, expecting to be double-crossed, misused or else, to have someone call in a favor that I’m in no position to refuse, but not comfortable with granting, if I could at all.
Here. Right here, online. This is the only place where I feel confident enough to speak freely. I know I’ll not be interrupted. I know that I’ll have the time to think and speak from the heart rather than feeling the need to rush in order to utter a peep before someone else commands the floor. I know that I’ll not bore anyone or lead them to feel as though they must humor me so as not to appear like an ass or else so as not to hurt my feelings. Here, if someone doesn’t like what I have to say, if they don’t care, they can scroll on. I’ll never know they were here in the first place.

I try with all my might not to judge myself too harshly for the way I am. I know that I’m not the only person who is this way. But, I just can’t help it. I feel so antisocial, but filled with a longing to be like the others who have friends, cliques or groups to which they identify and belong. What do you do when minority means “you”? I haven’t yet figured it out. All I can do is the best that I can. It amounts to very little. At least I’ve still got my online friends, the characters in my head whom I’ve created and have come to know as my friends, and my books.

Posted 4 days ago

I freaking LOVED Zoobilee Zoo as a kid! It was so fun, the motley cast of characters had such a wonderful chemistry, the stories were entertaining and thought-provoking (as thought-provoking as stories in children’s shows get, anyway) without preaching and beating you over the head with morals, which led the viewer to draw their own conclusions, and it was just plain great and healthy for kids to grow up watching. I recently watched an episode again on YouTube, and it was still awesome! It’s timeless in that if it aired today (some 27 years later) it would still hold up. It’s much better than children’s shows today (Boobah comes to my mind) where instead of just giving kids something flashy to watch without offering anything substantive, it is both entertaining and educational, with pinches of glitter thrown in here and there. This show is still good; even as a 32-year-old, I still had fun watching it. In fact, I really got into it all over again. If I had children of my own, I’d watch it with them any day. #ZoobileeZoo